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| More fun(?) in the Philippines indeed. Courtesy: stuffpoint.com |
While this may be the tritest
cliché you’ll ever hear being blurted out by some news anchor who ran out of
things to say or some pretty face attempting to sell something useless, I feel
obliged to point out some of the things that indeed, make the Filipino
Christmas “unique.” Take note though, that what I’ve written here are just some
of the harebrained ways we celebrate Christmas. Do feel free to contribute
more, if you feel I missed something.
1. We
start to get the Christmas high jinks even if it’s just September. Never mind
that December is still three months away, what matters is that it is already a –ber month; and as such, it is high time
for Filipinos to start planning for their Christmas vacations, what to give for
their monitos and monitas or their officemates, whether
they like them or not. Gift giving is mandatory. Funnily enough though,
when December do comes, roads become filled with vehicles containing people who
wish to go home or somewhere else, malls are practically invaded by the
panicked consumers who, despite the advanced planning for the gift giving,
still insist in buying the gifts when the main roads are heavy-laden with
traffic. Believe me, Divisoria, Baclaran and Quiapo are special hellholes
during this season; what with buyers looking for cheap knock-offs of otherwise
expensive products, not to mention pickpockets and snatchers who are more
watchful and alert than your common species of security guards.
2. After
you’re done with all the shopping, do be careful on the road. Not because the
roads are particularly slippery or filled with potholes and bumps, (believe me,
these are of different matters entirely.) but you have to watch out especially
for the suddenly workaholic traffic enforcers. While traffic rules and
regulations are set aside and brushed off nonchalantly during ordinary days,
this season is blessed by the sudden
need to enforce the law. Do take care not to turn without using your signals. Do
take care to observe the speed limit. Do take care not to take U-turns on No
U-turn slots. And do take care when the enforcer calls you out only to say “Merry
Christmas” to your face.
3. Speaking
of which, while Christmas is the season of giving, we have an extreme penchant
to remind this of people a lot. A lot. Every day, you’ll see public servants handing
out envelopes uttering “Merry Christmas” in the most unctuous tone of voice
they could muster. While there is almost nothing wrong for doing so, it has
become a bad habit for some that not being able to give earns you a special
spot in their grudge list. Sure, you can give them something during the seasons and mind you, this comes with some
perks: You’ll be remembered as someone who gave something during some
holiday-or-other and who knows, you might violate a law someday and as homage
to utang na loob (the debt of
gratitude), and you might find
yourself temporarily immune to the law. Watch out, though, as this cycle has a
system similar to that of a credit card. You are fine now, but next year you
might find yourself in the same scenario. Nothing comes free in the
Philippines; often, every favor given literally and figuratively has a catch. Everybody
here who gives something is entitled to expect something in return.
4. Everyday,
children go around villages, pester the homes of people with their incessant
caterwauling (emphasis on caterwauling) of Christmas carols expecting you to
give coins. Never mind that they do not even put any semblance of effort into
their singing or that their knowledge of carols is severely limited to Sa Maybahay ang Aming Bati and We Wish You a Merry Christmas, with the
occasional Jingle Bells. And when you say Tawad
po, you'll harbor some evil eyes and at times the oh so hurtful Thank you, thank you, ambabarat ninyo, f*ck you. Indeed, the day I hear carolers singing Jingle Bell Rock or Have
Yourself a Merry Little Christmas is the day I would have to give my spare
change without feeling a twinge of regret.
5. Since
it’s the season of kindness and all; we are all expected to love one another,
no matter how grievous the past may have been for us all. Never mind that the
offender had not given any official apologies or have made any efforts of
making amends; when it’s Christmas, you either forgive and forget or risked be
tagged as a sexless Grinch who do nothing but rain on others’ parades. Though it’s
perfectly fine with the forgiving and letting go part, let’s not kid ourselves.
Come the end of season, everything will be back to the way it was, if not worse.
And come the next Christmas season, we are again expected to repeat the vicious
cycle without the right to expect any semblance of change. Kind of reminiscent
of every election held in the country.
6. What’s
up with dawn masses (Simbang Gabi)? Is
it some sort of ritualistic meeting where people flaunt their overly tacky
apparel? I know it’s said in some sort of mythology that completing nine days
of attendance grants a wish. But see here, we demonstrate yet another foolish
notion: wishing. We wish for this, wish for that, and yet we do nothing to fulfil
that wish; similar to a tambay
wanting to somehow gain riches yet refuses to move his fat ass from the
drinking table. This also reflects the Filipino culture on a national scale. We
wish that poverty in the country be
eradicated in some way and yet we continually elect those who have sunk the
country into destitution. We are a society indoctrinated by bigoted spiritual
leaders, agenda-ridden news corporations and politicians, and afternoon and
primetime soap operas. We are caught on the illusion that in our inactivity,
some sort of higher power will come rescue us one day from poverty and bring us
to our success which we are so entitled
for. Bahala na si Batman, as an old
Filipino adage goes. But I digress. Of course, wishing is never enough. Especially
if you do that for nine dawns expecting everything while doing nothing.
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| Cringe-inducing yet award-winning. Hooray Philippines! Courtesy: spot.ph |
7. Lastly,
and as if to add insult to an excruciating injury, we welcome during this
season the Metro Manila Film Festival. A film festival where being gullible and
idiotic is not only acceptable but even celebrated by the Filipino masses. Indeed,
when the MMFF was originally conceived by the Hon, Antonio Villegas, it was “to
encourage local producers to develop world class quality movies that showcased
the beauty of the Philippines and the greatness of the Filipino people.” With this
in mind, remember My Little Bossings from yesteryear? Whether this is what we
now call as world class, the irony is surely lost on me. Yes, it’s that
cringe-inducing film laden with ad placements, overly clichéd plot and morals
(if there is even any at all), and
which made use of the ever-amusing acting prowess of Kris Aquino. Overall, the
film made me want to throw up a month’s worth of food but would you believe
that this film is the top grosser of the 2013 MMFF? It even went so far as to claim third best picture! Oh my gosh right? But hey, maybe my tastes just doesn't go with what the masses want. Or maybe,
just maybe, I just wanted to see something that will at least challenge my
faculties: intellectual and emotional. But if we really do define such
travesties as world-class, then I shall pout and say “Surely, we can do better
than that.” For now though, I shall continue as a Grinch and skip viewing the
MMFF entries if anyone invited me. Though, of course, I know you’ll forgive me
if I think that you’re just another classless, mindless sheep for believing
that MMFF entries are the best things to happen since Viagra sold on the markets.
It’s Christmas after all.
There you have it. I might have
droned on and on and on, but I am sure there are still more I haven’t covered. But
hey, no matter how you choose to celebrate your Christmas, it’s your life and
that’s none of my business. Whether you like to have a genuine change or be
caught in the traffic of a vicious and unforgiving cycle, it’s your choice. Or better
yet: Bahala na si Batman, ‘ika nga. Keep
in mind though: Iba talaga ang Paskong
Pinoy. ;)
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